Blog Archives

Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillow

You get some great stuff on Fancy that you can’t get anywhere else. Such as The Chopper… “a perfectly crafted piece of functional fitness equipment that packs a suite of unique workouts.With innovative functionality and design, the Chopper works all the muscles you never knew you had.”

The problem with the nearly unique is that if you don’t act quick, you’ll be missing out forever. Or paying extortionate prices on eBay. Or just paying more delivery charges than you really want to on Amazon, but let’s keep up the mystique!

And that’s where we are with the Nicolas Cage sequin pillow, but at the very least we can enjoy it here forever.

Evil Dead Necronomicon Bikini

The Necronomicon Ex-Mortis, Evil Dead’s Book of the Dead, gives the reader the power to control the dead, the Deadites and summon demons. Assuming they can read Sumerian.

Slightly easier to get the most out might be a wonderful Necronomicon bikini like the one in this post. Eventually. Conveniently made from moulded silicon rather than flesh, it looks stylish, and if it’s anything like my moulded silicon Necronomicon DVD set (photographed here just to heighten your sexual tension), it will feel really nice and squishy if you give people a prod while you’re wearing it!

Unfortunately, like my lovely limited edition DVD here, you’re going to struggle to get hold of one. Looks like it’s all sold out on the Bloodlust Productions Etsy shop but I’ll bet if you contact them they can do something cool for you!

And here’s the pics you’re actually here for…

AC/DC – Let There Be Clock!

This is something I came across a couple of years ago in a TV guide. Much like the old guy in The Lost Boys, I like to read a TV guide so I don’t have to watch TV. I also like to see the crappy “pay nothing now” offers they always advertise!

This particular one is a classic. What self-respecting rock fan wouldn’t want this 53cm commemorative objet d’art like this hanging from their wall, complete with a bell from hell swinging pendulum… is there any other type of pendulum? Anyway, on the hour every hour you’re treated to the thunderous roar of the crowd chanting, and an awesome light show as Angus’ cap lights up and a train thunders around the base!

Genius, and yours for only £200 + a tenner shipping!

 

 

 

The Girl With the Sausage Bouquet 

I’ve no idea where this is from or what it means, but I expect its for German weddings. Anyway, enjoy…


Sexy Beach Fast Food


There’s a lot of bizarre junk on the Apple App Store. This is a new find called Sexy Beach Fast Food. I can’t describe this any better than the official App description:

In Sexy beach fast food you’ll enjoy 64 restaurant levels, challenge stages across 8 mission. Prepare 30 different recipes, and upgrade your restaurants. While cooking all those tasty recipes, you get to serve many sexy customers. Have fun playing Sexy beach fast food, the time management cooking game for food lovers! The all of levels are free but it is locked, with collecting a gem during play each level or an in-game purchase available to unlock the all of level in all missions. Enjoy Sexy beach fast food , an amazing time management cooking game

DASH THROUGH 8 MISSIONS, cook in beautiful beach and sexy customers, complete 64 levels, and extra challenging time attack mode.

BECOME A CHEF, master your skills in this cooking game, and cook three star for your sexy customers.

RUN YOUR SUN SHINE DAY and serve food in a variety of fast food recipes in many beautiful beach.

COLLECT GEMS & buy decorations.

PLAY A TIME ATTACK MODE, to compete for the best score in the World Ranging Board!

There you have it. Make sexy food for sexy people. On a beach. Or something. I just wonder who the target audience is. Time management cooking games aren’t exactly the domain of the nerdy saddo that gets their kicks out of bug-eyed, big breasted Japanese schoolgirls in skimpy bikinis. And I can’t see your average hairdresser being into the knocker intrusion in their time management cooking game on their sun shine day. Who knows, who cares, but here’s some more of what you pervs are really interested in…

Mystical Cork Trousers

There’s a lot you can do with an old wine cork. For example, make a fancy serving tray with the letter W in it…


Or create a low cost engagement ring for your fancy lady…


My favourite use, though, is to create a pair of stylish but comfortable slacks that invoke popular occult symbolism. When the Egyptian arch-dude Horus opened his eyes, the world was enlightened. With this trouser, you can do the same thing without all that becoming a deity hassle. Just do it direct from your jacksy!

Humping Reindeer Christmas Jumper

As we’re well into the festive season now, I thought I’d share this beauty and inspire you to keep it sexy this Christmas morn!

  

Pamela Anderson – Photoshopped Old Hag Has a Friend (NSFW)

Look beyond the brushed-up old skank in the stripper gear and enjoy the red surprise in this Flaunt magazine highlight. 

  

Messed Up Japanese Love Doll

No words necessary. Just behold…

  

The Hottest Wonder Woman Cosplay You’ll See Today

Here you go, pervs. Though technically speaking this is Wonder Wobear, her hairier sister I assume.

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