Category Archives: iPhone

Steve Norman’s Top Ten Games of 2017

The following is lifted straight off my other site, Retro Arcadia, but just to complete my annual trilogy on this one I’ve indulged myself with it here too…

I very rarely have the impulse to buy anything day one, and I’ve spent most of this year playing catch-up with stuff I’ve been given for birthdays or Christmas that I’d directed people to get for me at bargain prices – Wolfenstein The Old Blood, Doom (which was the only game that’s ever induced serious motion sickness in me then outstayed its welcome a bit but I finished it), Dishonored, Dirt 3 and the marvellous Trackmania Turbo were highlights. Lego Dimensions, particularly the Midway Retro Arcade level pack and all the old favourites of mine it included, has also been a mainstay, as has No Man’s Sky, which I’ve now pumped hundreds of hours into and it remained my go-to game until November when I decided I just didn’t want to play it any more. Special mention also to Super Mario Run which appeared right at the end of 2016 and I’ve continued to play throughout 2017. I also got a New Nintendo 2DS which opened up a whole new world of Nintendo games that I’d missed out on since the Game Boy Advance – Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Harvest Moon, Super Mario Tennis and much more…

1. Elevator Action

Seeing this appear out of the blue on the PlayStation Store new release list towards the end of November was a console generation highlight for me, only previously (almost) equalled by the same for Renegade a couple of years ago! Every time I play it I’m standing in front of an arcade cabinet in the cafe area of our local leisure centre in 1984, with the music from the Saturday morning roller disco in the background and a can of Dr Pepper from the only vending machine in town to stock it on the table beside me. It’s the arcade version of Elevator Action, released on PS4 as part of their Arcade Archives series, and by default is the best game released in 2017 on any platform.

2. Stardew Valley (PS4)

This is one of the most joyous gaming experiences I’ve ever had! It also gives me the chance, as someone living on a farm in the country with no intention of ever farming or even vaguely embracing country life, to experience all of that stuff from the comfort of my own living room! You just do whatever takes your fancy, whether it’s clearing some land, doing up some buildings, growing some crops, fishing, looking after your chickens, playing the arcade games in the village pub, mining, building a fence, beach combing, helping out villagers or just wandering about the place. Slow-paced, open-ended, great looking and wonderful – just like the life waiting right outside my front door if only it wasn’t so much hassle!

3. Pokemon Ultra Sun (3DS)

For this game I did get that rare impulse to buy day one! Pokemon Gold (see below) very recently introduced me to a series I’d missed out on for decades, but this brought me right up to date with a stunning handheld masterpiece. The world is brimming with life (including some great Pokemon), the story will cost you hours that you thought were minutes, and even the necessary grinding stays fun. So much gameplay here and I can’t recommend it enough. Especially if you’re still the sceptical non-player that I was until a couple of months ago.

4. Everybody’s Golf (PS4)

I’ve never really played as much Everybody’s Golf as I should have, given I’ve owned iterations on various platforms since the original Playstation release. I have made up for that a bit with the latest one though. It’s still instantly familiar, albeit with a PS4 sheen and all kinds of modern gaming depth, maintaining a very simple mechanic that makes it very easy for a quick nine holes to turn into ninety!

5. Pokemon Gold (3DS)

Okay, it’s another pure re-release (but definitely not the last one in this list), this time of an ancient GameBoy Colour game with no 21st century bells and whistles added, but it was my first ever Pokemon game, I’ve sunk dozens of hours into it and its fantastic immersive world hasn’t aged a day, so definitely deserves to be in the top half of this list. Check out a more detailed post I did on this here.

6. Wipeout Omega Collection (PS4)

Before you think it, it’s a remaster and not a re-release! But anyone, I’m playing by my rules here so anything that came out this year goes! This collects some of the more recent titles, updating them with incredibly fast moving and great looking graphics, but the core gameplay remains, meaning it’s still the best futuristic racer out there and was a joy to come back to.

7. Fire Emblem Heroes (iOS)

For a free-to-play game built around loot crates, this is an incredibly generous, very focussed tactical fighting game. Production values are off the charts; it’s accessible but deep; there’s some very saucy characters, and in my 30+ hours with the game I collected the strongest possible units and rinsed every mode in the game without ever feeling I was grinding for it; without ever spending a penny.

8. Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp (iOS)

This game is pointless. And that’s most of the reason I love it. I don’t care that it’s constantly (though completely unobtrusively) reminding me that I can spend money that I won’t spend. I’m quite happy waiting for stuff to appear that I can use to help out the animal people hanging around my campsite who give me money and materials to buy more stuff then wait for that to appear while I fish and catch bugs and rearrange things. The most casual, relaxing, mindless and fun waste of time I’ve played this year.

9. Resident Evil Biohazard

I’d have loved it if this didn’t have the word “Biohazard” in the title and been able to maintain the feeling of Texas Chainsaw inspired anxiousness that built up in the first few hours before the ooze started appearing. I’d also have appreciated it being a few hours shorter. But all the same it takes the series back to its horror roots, even including a nice nod to the dogs jumping through the windows in the original. It’s a lovely looking game, great attention to detail with surprisingly varied settings, and happily the puzzles aren’t too obscure, the inventory system isn’t too restrictive, and the save points aren’t too far apart.

10. Rogue Trooper Redux (PS4)

Some of the mechanics are creaking a bit by today’s standard, but this remaster (the last on this list I’m proud to announce) will bring a tear to the eye to anyone that’s not read Rogue Trooper since they were a kid in the 80’s! Okay, it’s not a patch on the Spectrum version that everyone’s forgotten ever existed first, but just to spend a few hours running and gunning across Nu-Earth and bringing back all those 2000A.D. memories makes it essential!

Greatest Game Name on iOS! Zombie Goddess…

Zombie Goddess – Fantasy Apocalypse Game Attack Fight Slash Evil Slayer with Sword when Angry was unleashed on the App Store today. It features “the hot chick from Resident Evil without the guns” and you can turn on a “breast jiggle” feature. And it’s free!


Phoenix HD – iOS Bullet Hell Cool

This is one of those genres that I’d love to get into more, but the fact is that ever since I fell for R-Type (and several of its less perhaps less frenetic predecessors, of course), I’ve never been that good at hardcore shoot ’em ups.

This one is free-to-play for iPhone and iPad, and is definitely worth a play. Over the top bullet hell action at sixty frames per second. Check out the couple of screen grabs I took below – and this is only a couple of minutes in!



Dodgy App of the Week: Sperminator Club

Here’s an unlikely iPhone app for Apple to approve! Just check out the App Store description!

Nightlife is very cool. Party, disco, full fly away. What else can dream if not about such a carefree life. Lot of communication, new friends, alcohol – all this leads to very interesting consequences …



Death Rally God

Despite having played video games since the VIC20 appeared, I’ve never really achieved a great deal; in fact, I didn’t even finish a game until Wolfenstein about twelve years ago.

So please indulge me with this screen grab from my iPad, showing my godlike status and 192% completion on the great top-down racer, Death Rally.

Maybe I should try playing other games for the same ridiculous amount of hours I did with this and I’d be great at them too. And imagine how good I could be at something that’s actually worthwhile!


Nude Girl and Witch

How can you resist an iPhone app with a name like Nude Girl and Witch?

If the name doesn’t tempt you, maybe the developer’s descriptive text, with mis-translations intact, may well do so… The first line is genius!

Beautiful nude princess and the ugly witch, which do you choose? Picked the right, there will be a perfect thing happend, if wrong, you should be very careful of yourself!

“Nude Girl & Witch” features hours of gameplay, challenging, and lots of replay value.

We’d like to take this opportunity to extend our infinite gratitude to friends of our “Nude Girl & Witch” everywhere. We thank you sincerely from the bottoms of our fluffy hearts for making “Nude Girl & Witch” the highest rated and best selling game ever on iTunes!

Combining outstanding gameplay, amazingly responsive controls and beautiful graphics, “Nude Girl & Witch” will be one of the most fun and original games on the App Store.

With loads of exciting and devilishly tricky gameplay, “Nude Girl & Witch” guarantees you many hours of fun.

Here’s a couple of screenshots.



Gamewank. Did You Miss That, Apple?

A couple of days ago, this new game appeared on the iPhone App Store; Gamewank is apparently from some TV show.

I wonder how it escaped the usually ultra-prudish Apple’s beady eyes? Or maybe it means something else to Americans, like “fanny” does. (I’ll never forget hearing the words “fanny-pack” for the first time when I visited Pearl Harbour)! Or maybe (please, please) they’re just lightening up.

Best of all though, a game with “wank” in it’s title apparently has a 4+ rating.

I don’t suppose it will stay up for long once they work out it’s an offensive word in genuine English, but fear not; the game certainly is absolute wank, so you won’t be missing a lot when it does inevitably disappear.


My trip to Germany in three pictures

This week’s trip to Munich, summarised by Heathrow Terminal 5, a Munich pub sign and the moon from the flight home.

From The Plane to Germany

Last Monday I took a few pictures at various stages on the way to Duesseldorf from London Stansted Airport, using Hipstamatic on my iPhone through the window of my Air Berlin plane.

More new Hipstamatic pics

Some that Pixelpipe didn’t upload fast enough for my last post.